Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you inspire me to be a worse person
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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