I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
