You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
