dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
