I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
