I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize