Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
