Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
