Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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