Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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