It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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