Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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