so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i will never coherently bang her
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
