why didn't you poke me back
I need help removing her.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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