finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
