just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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