dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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