you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
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She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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