but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
