I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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