I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
