At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
