So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
