Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
