this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
