C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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