Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
