An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
