i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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