the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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