You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
