U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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