I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
