apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
