'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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