I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
