windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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