I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
