ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
