yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
