She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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