So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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