The maid of honor just puked.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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