i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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