You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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