for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
