Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
