At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
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They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me