I pooped in a mop bucket.
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
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There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
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It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress