I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.