He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me