well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.