the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
