i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
