Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize