hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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