Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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