I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
