Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
