actually, I'm a sock model
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
