I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
