singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
