I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
