Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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