how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize