You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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