why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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