He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
